One of the hardest truths in alumni engagement is this: even when you build strong relationships with students, it’s surprisingly easy to lose them after graduation.
I’ve worked in advancement and alumni offices for years, and I’ve seen it firsthand across multiple schools. Alumni walk across the stage, full of pride and connection—and then, within a few years, the trail goes cold.
Not because they don’t care. Not because they wouldn’t give back, show up, or serve as mentors. But because we, as schools, quietly lose touch.
Here’s why: life happens fast.
Alumni move. They change jobs—sometimes multiple times in just a few years. They abandon old email addresses, switch phone numbers, start new careers, build families, shift priorities. And unless we’re actively keeping up with them, we’re suddenly reaching out to ghosts.
And here’s the thing no one wants to say out loud: stale data kills engagement.
It doesn’t matter how warm the relationship was when they graduated. If your emails bounce and your mail gets returned, your most loyal supporters become the hardest to reach. And over time, the connection fades—not out of neglect, but out of silence.
Let me share a few moments that stick with me:
- A ten-year reunion planned with care, but half the invite list never receives anything because their contact info hadn’t been updated since graduation.
- An alum who once told us, “I’d love to mentor students someday,” slips through the cracks after a career move. We don’t even know where they are now.
- A fundraising appeal goes out with personal letters—and half are returned to sender. Not only a waste of resources, but a missed opportunity to remind someone they matter.
These stories aren't rare. They're common. And they don’t come from lack of effort—they come from a systemic issue: most schools don’t have the time, staffing, or processes in place to maintain real, ongoing relationships with their alumni once they’re off campus.
So what do we do?
Here’s what I’ve learned over the years:
- We need to treat alumni engagement like a long game. It’s not just about big gifts or event turnouts—it's about consistent, thoughtful touchpoints over time.
- We need to build check-ins into our alumni lifecycle. Don’t wait ten years to reach out. Set milestones: 6 months, 1 year, 5 years. Ask where they are, how they’re doing, and how they’d like to stay connected.
- We need to listen more than we ask. Alumni want to feel seen, not just solicited. Start with questions, not campaigns.
- We need to break down internal silos. Sometimes the coach, teacher, or dorm parent hears from alumni more than the advancement office does. Share that information. Work together.
- Above all, we need to remember this: alumni engagement is about people, not just outcomes. It’s built on relationships that are nurtured over time. That takes intention, trust, and, yes, sometimes better systems. But mostly, it takes care.
Let’s stop asking “Why don’t they stay in touch?”
And start asking: “What are we doing to stay in touch with them?”
Because if you’ve ever worked in a school, you know how special your alumni are. Let’s make sure they never forget how much they still belong.